Category Archives : Regrettable Covers


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “The Baker’s Bitch”

It’s time for the “Regrettable Book of the Week™”! Yay! For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

Today I have a guest submission by the uber-awesome and fellow Pen sister who hails from the wild beauty of Alaska, Sheryl Winters. I just wish my photoshop skills were a little better to do Sheryl’s cover concept justice. I tried, Sheryl, I did. But let’s get to the fun story now…

BakersBitchThe Tagline:

What’s a spotted bitch to do when run over by Prince Charming?

The blurb:

Shia is a shifter, from a line of prestigious Dalmations. The shifter population is dying out, so when her father presses her to marry her second cousin Louis, she accepts it. What’s a little inbreeding when the fate of your family is on the line? So what if he looks like a scamp and his fur has mange. She knows her duty to her family!

After an attempt at her life by ruthless Tiger Shifters, Shia panics and races into the road still in her shifter form. She is hit by Kerr McGregor, the town’s hottie baker. The man is single-handedly responsible for baking all the delicious treats in the neighborhood, and incidentally the man she’s been in love with since the day she turned sixteen and first discovered the word croissant.

Kerr takes her in during her time of need. He sees only the poor sick Dalmation that she is. But then Shia does the unthinkable. She falls in love with her master.

Should she stay with him as a Dalmation, forgoing shifting just to enjoy all the tummy rubbings and leftover donuts she can get? Or should she reveal her shifter nature, an act so forbidden that if found out, she will forever be shunned by shifter society? Or will she miss her only chance at true love?

I think she did a great job, don’t you?

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, Sheryl Winters and I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event we accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Regrettable Book of the Week Playoffs — Setup and Round One!

As of last week, I’ve featured 29 Regrettable books—26 I did myself, 1 I co-wrote with Diane Dooley and 1 was written by guest, Aimee Laine. 29 books over seven months is a lot of weekly regrets! Your comments have been awesome and I thank everyone who puttered by to share in the frivolity.

But now it’s your turn to participate. I’m really interested in how they stack up against each other. Believe it or not, many of these have plot bunnies I could see turning into a real book, hopefully with the regrettable elements stripped out and a better cover. LOL

Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to run a playoff with brackets to narrow down to the finalists and ultimate winner! I want to know:

Which Regrettable Book of the Week was YOUR Favorite?

…whether it’s because it made you laugh hardest, shake your head longest or tap your chin and think, “Hmm, now THIS, I’d possibly even read if penned by the awesome Lila” (or anyone, really).

To refresh your memory, here are the nominees (click cover to read any blurb):

MarshallingofKittyWhitePLAYING FOR KEEPSCarriedAwaychocoateMakerBillionaireCinderellaPandaMineDeliveryManChillinwithDaddy
VerityFausseWidowsLastLaughAbsolutelyLove2Harlequin Sheik-2Wee_WillyLacemakerMOmmySwapHungryForYouRainbowsEndDessert_LoverBridezillaMakeupRevenge so sweetRuthlessGingerBullyTakesABrideBreederNannyAlieninBed Domme Fight Club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please choose your favorite TEN (10) regrettables to advance to the finals. I’ll break any ties. All participants in my madness will have a shot at a prize! More on that next week. For this week, let’s do the first round of voting.


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “Playing for Keeps”

It’s time for the “Regrettable Book of the Week™”! Yay! For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

How about a sports-themed romance with a monochromatic cover? Sound and look familiar? Let’s see how silly I can make it.

PLAYING FOR KEEPSThe Tagline:

Love knows no boundaries.

The blurb:

D’Eston’eE Dufresne’s motto is “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice and I’ll burn your fucking house down!” She’s tired of the game of love and has sworn off men. Players, all of them. As chief statistician for the Studs, a professional men’s basketball team from Kentucky, easier said than done since she’s around the more aggravating sex All. Day. Long.

LeJuan Beauregard has never met a woman who didn’t leap into his bed…eventually. The odds are in his favor that the prickly little spitfire who records all his baskets, rebounds, and free-throw percentages, will find her way there, too. He’ll turn up the charm to eleven and pursue his target night and day to make sure that happens.

When D’Eston’eE and LeJuan miss the bus home after a crushing defeat by the Okefenokee Swampers, they are forced to endure harsh elements, creepy backwoods natives and a wild ride on a raft down the rapids with an amorous pig farmer in pursuit. D’Eston’eE is nearly ready to give in to a night of passion with her dribbling savior until she learns a brutal truth:  LeJuan grew up in the Okefenokee and might have had a hand in engineering the entire ordeal…if they were ever in danger to begin with.

Can LeJuan prove to the only woman to capture his heart that he’s an innocent victim of circumstances or will D’Eston’eE’s fury incinerate not only his hopes but the man himself?

Ok, so I threw a little Deliverance in there for shits and giggles, too. Told you these were supposed to be bad, bad, bad. This one can’t be anything but that. Really.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “The Marshaling of Kitty”

I’m back! Did you miss me? Sorry for the hiatus but life sort of got in the way and left me a little drained, time- and creativity-wise.

Today I have another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

I’m in the mood for another western. How about if I “borrow” and fuse a couple of old television shows from my youth and give them a modern twist of the old nipple clamps? Let’s see what you think…

April 3, 2013

April 3, 2013

The Tagline:

Where there’s smoke, there’s an inferno.

The blurb:

Miss Kitty has every reason to avoid Sheriff Marshall Dylan. He’s a man of the law and she’s a lawless lady of the evening, the madame of the local whorehouse, actually. Yet, their friendship, forged in the wilds of the Kansas territory when they were innocent teens, has endured. While their professions might put them at odds at night, during the day, their association is above reproach. Or is it?

When Marshall’s new deputy, Barney Phieffe stumbles across a tunnel beneath Kitty’s hotel, he makes a macabre discovery. The nude and very dead body found chained to the wall in a secret chamber is that of a notorious gunslinger last seen entering Miss Kitty’s saloon. All clues lead to Kitty as his murderer, but the sheriff is reluctant to arrest her. What Barney discovers as he digs deeper into Miss Kitty’s story will shock and horrify the town of Dodgeville.

Could the town’s own sheriff be in cahoots with its madame in deadly game of kink and mouse?

Gunsmoke meets Mayberry RFD meets Dexter! Yes, I have a twisted imagination because I would totally love to read or write this dark little tale of buffoonery and mayhem. If they can rewrite the Austen classics with zombies, turn Lincoln into a vampire, surely I can turn a lawman and a madame into the Bonnie and Clyde of kinky vigilantism.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Sorry, But No Regrettable Book this week. :(

I’m out of town on business and just got a very unexpected but very welcome request from a literary agent for one of my other pen name’s projects. So…I’ve been scrambling to assemble a response for that and something had to give. Alas it’s this week’s regrettable.

I’ll be back with more nonsense soon though. Promise!