Tag Archives : parody


Regrettable Book of the Week Playoffs — Setup and Round One!

As of last week, I’ve featured 29 Regrettable books—26 I did myself, 1 I co-wrote with Diane Dooley and 1 was written by guest, Aimee Laine. 29 books over seven months is a lot of weekly regrets! Your comments have been awesome and I thank everyone who puttered by to share in the frivolity.

But now it’s your turn to participate. I’m really interested in how they stack up against each other. Believe it or not, many of these have plot bunnies I could see turning into a real book, hopefully with the regrettable elements stripped out and a better cover. LOL

Over the next couple of weeks, I’m going to run a playoff with brackets to narrow down to the finalists and ultimate winner! I want to know:

Which Regrettable Book of the Week was YOUR Favorite?

…whether it’s because it made you laugh hardest, shake your head longest or tap your chin and think, “Hmm, now THIS, I’d possibly even read if penned by the awesome Lila” (or anyone, really).

To refresh your memory, here are the nominees (click cover to read any blurb):

MarshallingofKittyWhitePLAYING FOR KEEPSCarriedAwaychocoateMakerBillionaireCinderellaPandaMineDeliveryManChillinwithDaddy
VerityFausseWidowsLastLaughAbsolutelyLove2Harlequin Sheik-2Wee_WillyLacemakerMOmmySwapHungryForYouRainbowsEndDessert_LoverBridezillaMakeupRevenge so sweetRuthlessGingerBullyTakesABrideBreederNannyAlieninBed Domme Fight Club

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please choose your favorite TEN (10) regrettables to advance to the finals. I’ll break any ties. All participants in my madness will have a shot at a prize! More on that next week. For this week, let’s do the first round of voting.


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “Playing for Keeps”

It’s time for the “Regrettable Book of the Week™”! Yay! For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

How about a sports-themed romance with a monochromatic cover? Sound and look familiar? Let’s see how silly I can make it.

PLAYING FOR KEEPSThe Tagline:

Love knows no boundaries.

The blurb:

D’Eston’eE Dufresne’s motto is “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice and I’ll burn your fucking house down!” She’s tired of the game of love and has sworn off men. Players, all of them. As chief statistician for the Studs, a professional men’s basketball team from Kentucky, easier said than done since she’s around the more aggravating sex All. Day. Long.

LeJuan Beauregard has never met a woman who didn’t leap into his bed…eventually. The odds are in his favor that the prickly little spitfire who records all his baskets, rebounds, and free-throw percentages, will find her way there, too. He’ll turn up the charm to eleven and pursue his target night and day to make sure that happens.

When D’Eston’eE and LeJuan miss the bus home after a crushing defeat by the Okefenokee Swampers, they are forced to endure harsh elements, creepy backwoods natives and a wild ride on a raft down the rapids with an amorous pig farmer in pursuit. D’Eston’eE is nearly ready to give in to a night of passion with her dribbling savior until she learns a brutal truth:  LeJuan grew up in the Okefenokee and might have had a hand in engineering the entire ordeal…if they were ever in danger to begin with.

Can LeJuan prove to the only woman to capture his heart that he’s an innocent victim of circumstances or will D’Eston’eE’s fury incinerate not only his hopes but the man himself?

Ok, so I threw a little Deliverance in there for shits and giggles, too. Told you these were supposed to be bad, bad, bad. This one can’t be anything but that. Really.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “The Marshaling of Kitty”

I’m back! Did you miss me? Sorry for the hiatus but life sort of got in the way and left me a little drained, time- and creativity-wise.

Today I have another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

I’m in the mood for another western. How about if I “borrow” and fuse a couple of old television shows from my youth and give them a modern twist of the old nipple clamps? Let’s see what you think…

April 3, 2013

April 3, 2013

The Tagline:

Where there’s smoke, there’s an inferno.

The blurb:

Miss Kitty has every reason to avoid Sheriff Marshall Dylan. He’s a man of the law and she’s a lawless lady of the evening, the madame of the local whorehouse, actually. Yet, their friendship, forged in the wilds of the Kansas territory when they were innocent teens, has endured. While their professions might put them at odds at night, during the day, their association is above reproach. Or is it?

When Marshall’s new deputy, Barney Phieffe stumbles across a tunnel beneath Kitty’s hotel, he makes a macabre discovery. The nude and very dead body found chained to the wall in a secret chamber is that of a notorious gunslinger last seen entering Miss Kitty’s saloon. All clues lead to Kitty as his murderer, but the sheriff is reluctant to arrest her. What Barney discovers as he digs deeper into Miss Kitty’s story will shock and horrify the town of Dodgeville.

Could the town’s own sheriff be in cahoots with its madame in deadly game of kink and mouse?

Gunsmoke meets Mayberry RFD meets Dexter! Yes, I have a twisted imagination because I would totally love to read or write this dark little tale of buffoonery and mayhem. If they can rewrite the Austen classics with zombies, turn Lincoln into a vampire, surely I can turn a lawman and a madame into the Bonnie and Clyde of kinky vigilantism.

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “White”

Another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

Let’s go for some pretentious minimalism today, shall we? Sort of like The Beatles White Album or Spinal Tap’s Black album (Nigel Tufts says, “How much blacker could it be? Answer. None.”) The line between genius and stupid is so very paper thin. Love those really vague blurbs that seem packed with tantalizing phrases, but collectively, they make no sense or it’s an homage to some obscure philosopher. To wit:
White

The Tagline:

Absence or infinity–one choice is all that separates them.

The blurb:

White light is all colors blended. A celestially crafted combination of an infinite number of components. White on canvas is the utter lack of color. Two polar extremes as white as the snow from the poles themselves. Two individuals as diametrically opposed as they are the same. The tangible vs. the intangible.

All is not as it seems.

Danger lurks at every corner.

Will she see it in time? Will he save her?

What secrets does the white canvas hold?

White.

Infinity.

White.

Nothingness.

Bliss or Destruction–only one choice separates them.

Do they dare make that choice?

The difference between all that could be and all that never was.

Huh? Ever read a blurb and think, “Either I am not smart enough to read this book or everyone else who claims it is so deep and wonderful is simply proclaiming the grandeur of the Emperor’s New Clothes”? Oh, but at least there’s a lot of sex in this one! Can’t you tell?  ;)

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE


Regrettable Book of the Week™ — “Carried Away”

Another book for my “Regrettable Book of the Week™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

OK, this is my second attempt at writing this post. Sadly ALL my work of Sunday was eaten by something on the web. I think my web hosting company restored an archive of my blog from when they migrated me to a new server on the 6th because interestingly ALL changes to my blog since then, including spam I deleted and new spam that came in, have reappeared and disappeared, respectively. BIG. FAT. HEAVY. SIGH. But speaking of heavy, let’s go ahead and have a look see at this week’s Regrettable, my second, very fast rewrite.
CarriedAway

The Tagline:

She ain’t heavy…she’s my wife.

The blurb:

Gunnar Riker and his wife are the favorites to win the Wife Carrying World Championships in Sonkajärvi, Finland this year…that is until Gunnar’s wife leaves him for the husband of last year’s winning couple. After training for years to win the coveted prize, what’s a star athlete to do?

Tap his American ex-patriot neighbor, Camille Greene, to fill in, that’s what!

Camille might have noticed her hunky next door neighbor  in “that” way once or twice but never put any further thought into it. She doesn’t date married men, thank you very much, even big, muscular Finns with attractive bulges. But when Gunnar invites her over for a reindeer steak and announces he’s reclaimed his bachelor status, she’s intrigued. When he asks her to be his partner in the wife carrying competition, Camille is flabbergasted. She has two issues: 1. she isn’t married to Gunnar and 2. no way will they have a shot since her healthy size ten body is much bigger and heavier than his ex-wife’s size zero figure. As much as she’d like to have Gunnar’s head between her thighs, she’s never once imagined it would be in the Estonian hold.

Agree she does, however, and soon Camille’s emotions are wrangled into more than just a sporting partnership. But when Gunnar’s ex returns to reclaim her man, will Camille bow out or will she fight for her right to be carried over the winning  threshold.

Image from Wikipedia, Author: Steve Jurvetson, Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jurvetson/641867/

I am seriously planning on writing this one so consider this a sneak peek at a future story from me.

Ok, so for fun, here’s a peek at the real deal:

Do you have an idea for the next “Regrettable Book of the Week™”? Be sure to share in the comments if so.

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Week™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are free download proofs of stock photos or photos I have purchased, not to be used for commercial purposes. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

See all prior Regrettable Books of the Week HERE